Four Weeks

I woke up this morning and started thinking about the past four weeks.  Four weeks ago today, I was at home.  I woke up in my comfy bed and started my Sunday like I usually do.  I let the dog out and listened to the waves in the near distance.  I made breakfast and I dressed myself and the kids.  I took my son to Sunday school.  I wanted to get in a run, but since I was tapering I didn't worry about it.  After Sunday school, the kids and I went down to the beach and joined a few Killa Beez teammates for the Autism Speaks walk.  There was a "digger"there creating a wall of sand.  My son asked me why they were doing this.  I told him that it was for the storm that was coming.  They were making a wall to try to keep the water back.  He, matter of factly told me, "sand can't hold back water, Mom."  I was pretty windy but the sun was shining.  Afterwards, we headed home and I started to clean up the house.  By then, the mandatory evacuation was in place.  I knew I was leaving with the kids but I wanted to clean up first.  I hate coming back to a messy house.  I did some laundry including a load of towels.  We once had a flood in a previously residence and we used towels and a shop vac to clean up the water.  At this point, I thought the basement had a good chance of getting some water.  Hubby and his friend were down there lifting as many things as possible to higher ground.  I talked with my neighbor and close friend about when she was heading out and we made plans to stay in touch through the storm.  Before I left the house, I told hubby not to make a mess.  Every time I have evacuated in the past, Hurricane Irene, a huge fire in 2009, etc.  I came home to a mess.

In the past four weeks, I have stayed with friends.  I have cried every day.  I have felt lost and yet so loved.  I have rented an apartment and been loaned a car.  I have been given a new wardrobe of clothes for each member of my family.  I have cleaned and organized three bedrooms, a kitchen and a livingroom.  I have put in a change of address card.  I have shopped in a food bank.  I have met Christy Turlington and Ann Curry.

Hubby and I with Ann Curry

Christy Turlington is the nicest supermodel you'll ever meet!

 
I have seen my house and my foundation separately in the main section of major newspapers and on the news.  I have been given gifts for my kids and housewares.  I have been given love and support from friends, family, strangers and even people who were once, but were no longer friends.  I have been humbled.  I have woken up to new loud sounds.  I have spent hours on the phone with FEMA and insurance companies.  I waited on line for 6 hours for a $600 gift card from China Buddhists.  I have taped a daytime television segment.  I have seen old friends and new change my life for the better.  I have sat in bleacher seats for the Thanksgiving Day parade.  I have experienced the worst of nature's devastation and the best of humanity.

Toni Senecal of Toni On New York - An angel to my family

The kids at the parade

I have not gone home.  I have not run a marathon after 4 months of training.  I did not come back to a mess. Instead it was total devastation of my entire block and community.

This morning I woke up in a newly rented apartment on a new bed in a new room.  Hopefully some day this will feel normal.  Today is not that day.  However, I will try to make it seem normal as I take my son to Sunday school and then go for a quick run.  Tomorrow I will go back to work.  I do not know what comes next, but I know I can't go home ever.  Not even to a messy house.

Thanks again to all of you.  I love your notes, gifts and your messages online.  I read them over and over for strength each day.

Coming out of the Fog

The night of the storm, when I learned of the fate of my home, it was more than I could handle... Seeing it in person was so much worse than that. Thankfully, my mind took over and focused on survival mode. For the past three weeks, I have mostly dealt only with things that are related to or as a result of the storm. That's everything from looking through my foundation for anything I could save, calling credit card and insurance companies and getting my new apartment in working order. The other things that I love so much were no longer a part of my life. I didn't run, read blogs or even go to work (yea, I like work). I went through the motions of getting homework done with the boy and as of this week, getting the little one back to daycare. However, don't ask me to remember what I did last week or what I need to do on Saturday, and herein lies the problem.

My house is gone forever, and nothing we can do will change that. Insurance appointments are almost done and we just have to wait to find out our financial fate. Now, I have to figure out how to get out of the fog and go on... but how?

I used to get the kids up and out to school without a hitch. Now I get anxiety thinking about who's going to be late due to the new level of traffic post-Sandy. There are still some traffic lights out and the number of construction and emergency trucks is almost unbelievable. Additionally, I now have an extra 20-25 minutes getting to the old 'hood to get the boy to school.

My company has been so supportive and patient, but I need to get back into the world of working people again. However, I cannot imagine spending eight hours a day dealing with "work problems" when my house is in the weeds. Add a 1-2.5 hour (post-Sandy) commute and I don't know if I can keep it together?

The one part of the world I miss the most is my fitness/blogger world. I miss reading what's going on in everyone's lives and who is running what marathon this Spring. I also miss talking about my goals and marathon training. Of course, some things also ended with the storm. My marathon training came to a crashing halt. I ran my 20 miler and began to taper. My taper became an end to all things health and fitness. I didn't run, workout or even eat responsibly throughout this ordeal. I need to get back to a healthy body and a healthy mind. That said, I started today. I ran! Do not ask how far or how fast. I lost my Garmin 610 that hubby got me last year :( . I just threw on some running clothes (that's all thanks to New Balance, Abby and friends and Theodora) and headed out the door. I ran up by the beach, my usual route. Sadly, the beach was battered and closed. Most of the houses and businesses along the street were destroyed or badly beaten. There were police and trucks everywhere and where I used to park to run, there was a FEMA site set up. I almost cried several times during the hour that I ran. However, I did realize that I must keep moving forward, but things will never be the same...

**Thanks to each and every one of you for your love and support.  Once I get out of this fog, individual thank yous are on the way.

From the Worst, Comes the Best

So, it's been about two weeks since the Hurricane that changed everything. The day my husband called me and told me that he was safe, but we lost everything.  I've been through all the emotions, from sadness to anger and everything in between.  But, if there is one thing that I have learned over the last three weeks, it's that people are genuinely amazing.

The most recent example is the amazing Sunday that I just had.  Toni On New York's Toni Senecal visited my new digs.  I told her that there wasn't much to see.  A couple of air mattresses and a lot of  gifts, thanks to Ashley's amazing idea for a registry for my family.  All of you that sent us gifts are our angels.  We are forever grateful and individual thank yous will be on their way as soon as we get settled.

So, Toni and Tracey came to see us with a crew of friends.

After they looked over the new digs we headed to Kissam Avenue to see the foundation of the house and my car that is now a paperweight.  We showed them the devastation on our street for us and all of our neighbors.  We also showed them some of  the amazing volunteers that have been giving their time and energy and some of the surrounding areas which was also completely devastated.

Afterward, in a sullen mood, we headed back to the new place.  That was until we pulled up to our temp place and about 25 smiling friends and family members were in front of the house. We proceeded to walk into a completely new apartment.  Instead of a floor, we had a couch and loveseat.  The bedrooms had actual beds and their was a television and a new laptop.  Then, if that wasn't enough for me to renew my faith in humanity, Toni told me that Chevy Tri-State is letting her loan me her Chevy Traverse until we get settled in.

I have been humbled.  I do not have the words to begin to thank Toni for everything, Chevy Tri-State for the loaner car, iluvkids.com for the bunk beds, us of a for the furniture, Ashley for the amazing registry, New Balance and Theodora for the sneakers and gear, Abby for collected donations and RUNNING CLOTHES, Jess for delivering them, and all of the bloggers, friends and family who have been so generous and loving to me and my family.  We are trying to find a new normal and thanks to ALL of you we are on our way.  Everyday is a struggle but I know it's Tuesday and I brushed my teeth, so I'm doing better than yesterday.

Two Worlds

There are two worlds out there right now.  Most people are living in the post-Sandy/post-Nor'Easter world.  They are trying to get back in the swing of things.  They are catching up with work and life.

Some are still living in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.  Many have no power or heat and no transportation due to cars damaged and gas shortages.  The minority of us are dealing with the loss of our entire homes and the lives that we built.  My heart breaks for the mother who lost two little boys and the police officer who lost his life.  These stories and so many more are my reality.  I lived three houses from the ocean and now my house, my neighbors' and life as I knew it is over...forever.

How I remember it

All that is left

My new reality is news coverage on my neighborhood, insurance adjusters and renting a home.  I never thought I would be in this place again.  And yet, here I am.

I am inclined to fall apart.  But my kids will not allow it.  Smile and just keep swimming.  I do not know what next week brings.  All I do know is that the kindness and generosity of others is the only reason that my family and I are safe.  Friends offered a warm home (Thanks Melissa & Tim), hot showers (thanks Jimmy, Jen, Tony and Darlene) and a hot meal.  We took all they offered and quickly learned that pride was a useless emotion.  Family watched my kids and my dog (thanks mom and Sis) until finally we found a place to rest our heads.  While that all went down, the greatest blogger in the world, Ashley created a registry of gifts of things we lost and needed.  My friend Alicia created a fundraising site for us.

This is all new to a middle class family from Brooklyn.  We worked for everything we had and then Hurricane Sandy took it all away.  Now what?  Family, friends and strangers across the country and beyond have kept us going.  We have a 3 bedroom rental for us and are hoping to find a home for the chickens.  We have met with Anne Curry, Christy Turlington (coolest supermodel ever) and the Huffington Post.  It is all surreal.  I would give it all up to be at home and call my neighbor for some milk.

But I cannot... As surreal as it seems, it is real.  No work, life or run in two weeks for me.  I hope the kids are more resilient than I am. I am just trying to find a new norm.  I only hope that people continue to be as understanding.  My family sends a huge thank you for all the donations, gifts and prayers.  Individual thank yous will be on their way.


Cheers to humanity, there is hope for us yet.

xoxo
Jen

My Not-The-Marathon Morning

I wake up every morning more aware of my new reality. I guess that I will need to accept the situation before I can move away from it. I'm just not sure how to accept that we have lost the home we worked so hard to build.

I should be up and getting ready to run 26.2. Instead I'm folding an air mattress in a friend basement and making insurance calls.

Thank God for amazing friends and family. Even people that I have never met have donated generously to help my family move on. I can never repay them or thank them enough. But I also cannot give up. They are now invested in my family. So I guess it's time to figure it out.

Xoxox to all. Please keep the prayers coming.

Lost

Firstly, thank you to all of my blog readers for your support.  I am writing this post from a friend's computer.  My life has changed significantly in the last 72 hours. 

I lost my home, my car and everything material in Hurricane Sandy.  My husband almost lost his life, but he is safe.  I am not even in a place where I can write a proper blog post.  (See "With No Choice, Taking Leap From Roof to Floating Roof" article)

All I can say is that I have the best friends and family and even their friends and family are amazing.  As a matter of fact, even strangers have been amazingly thoughtful and generous.  If you watched Brian Williams last night or CBS (in NY) today, you saw my house (the beige house in the weeds) or the foundation of my house.  (They are about 1/2 mile away from each other now.)  It sounds exciting, but I would much rather have my home then a hug from Ann Curry.  (No offense, Ann.  Thank you for being there.) 

The last 3 days have been surreal and I never imagined that this would ever happen to my family and so many of my neighbors and friends.  I am grateful for all I have as neighbors that did not make it through the storm.  May God bless the souls of all that were lost.  I have my family and for that I am beyond grateful.  However, we did lose everything.  Our home, car, memories, and my plans.  I expected that today I would be getting a good night's sleep and setting up my marathon outfit and bib.

However, I spent the last 24 hours trying to decide if it was right or even possible for me to run the marathon.  Then, only a few minutes ago, I learned that the marathon has been cancelled.  While I know this is devastating for runners who trained for 16+ weeks and planned for this race since last year when they were injured (oh, wait, that was me), I am also a resident of Staten Island who, along with so many more lost everything only days ago.  The wound is too new and the resources are needed so badly.  I am extremely disappointed, but also relieved.

Now, I can move on to big issues, like finding a home for my family.  Please be grateful for what you have, even if it's without power for a few days.

xoxox
Jen